THIS THING CALLED "UNDERSTANDING"

Sometimes we want the world to understand us...

Sometimes the world wants us to understand it....


The latter may be more difficult ........... But it is also the more important of the two.

THE SUPER POWER

Admit it.

We have all done it….

Sometime or other…. We have all wondered what the person standing in font of us is thinking……about us…..about anything.

So when I thought of a super power, reading minds came as an obvious choice.

And like all choices it got me thinking…..

Progressing through 17 years of troubles(read:life), one inevitably learns to read minds. It comes naturally. You learn to discern between truths and lies. But like everything else that the brochure of life provides this too comes with a disadvantage that outweighs the advantages.

Once you know that the person in front of you is a lying, hiding, two-faced creep, you will be hurt. Hurt because of the betrayal, hurt at your blind faith, hurt because your naïve little brain can’t fathom a treachery of such a magnitude….hurt because you were bitten.

So one useful bit of sound advice: be careful what you wish for, you might actually get it.

My Angel Niece

the heart-throb of my family...

   

WISHFUL THINKING

I turned 17.....

Something I have been waiting for...for a very long time....

but now that it's happened....

I want to go back....
go back to elementary school....
go back to being scared of slides.....

go back to being a stamped slow learner of the class...

go back to playing hide-and-seek in recess....

go back to being the simple, quiet, sober little girl....

go back to not having to watch my diet....
go back to the permanently-bruised-knees days...
go back to playing for hours on the end in the evenings....
go back to not having tuitions....
go back to the all-friends-no-enemies status...

go back to the little, scared, naive, believe-it-all....

go back to being obedient....

go back to being innocent....

go back to the little wide-eyed, awestruck-every-other-minute girl of four.....

go back to those beautiful never-ending carefree days.........

go back to......... so much that has been left behind...........

wishful thinking......

TRUST...DUH !

"When I consider life 'tis all a cheat,

Yet fooled with hope men favour the deceit.

Trust on, and think tomorrow will repay,

Tomorrow is falser than former day."

John Dryden wrote these, and I, like an obedient fan wrote it in big block letters and stuck it up on my study table.

Never gave it a second thought.

But of late "TRUST KILLS" has become my constant penchant.

It seems like the most basic rule for survival.

I have broken that rule once and I know that repercussions are here to stay.

Something that should be taught to the elementary school kids along with the rest of the list.

"Don't speak unless you are spoken to.
Brush your teeth twice a day.
Don't lie.
Smooth seas dont make a good sailor.
blah blah blah.
Trust kills."

Seems like the teachers missed a few crucial lessons for survival.

A SONG AFTER MY OWN HEART

You are far,
When I could have been your star,
You listened to people,
Who scared you to death, and from my heart,
Strange that you were strong enough,
To even make a start,
But you'll never find
Peace of mind,
Till you listen to your heart,

People,
You can never change the way they feel,
Better let them do just what they will,
For they will,
If you let them,
Steal your heart from you,
People,
Will always make a lover feel a fool,
But you knew I loved you,
We could have shown them all,
We should have seen love through,

Fooled me with the tears in your eyes,
Covered me with kisses and lies,
So goodbye,
But please don't take my heart,

You are far,
I'm never gonna be your star,
I'll pick up the pieces
And mend my heart,
Maybe I'll be strong enough,
I don't know where to start,
But I'll never find
Peace of mind,
While I listen to my heart,

People,
You can never change the way they feel,
Better let them do just what they will,
For they will,
If you let them,
Steal your heart,

And people,
Will always make a lover feel a fool,
But you knew I loved you,
We could have shown them all,

But remember this,
Every other kiss,
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man,
One you really can surrender with,
I will wait for you,
Like I always do,
There's something there,
That can't compare with any other,

You are far,
When I could have been your star,
You listened to people,
Who scared you to death, and from my heart,
Strange that I was wrong enough,
To think you'd love me too.
I guess you were kissing a fool,
You must have been kissing a fool.

SMILE PLEASE

Browsing through a friend's mobile message inbox, i read the following text:

"The worst moments in life are not when we know we are losing something and tears come out...

It is when we know we are losing something and we are forced to smile."

.... and I smiled...

The Little Things

Sometimes it becomes necessary that we hide the pain inside...keep the hurt out of our eyes...and stop the disappointment from showing in our voice. Especially if the pain/hurt/disappointment is sure to destroy something preious and irreplacable, even more if that 'something' belongs to someone else. It is not for you to take...not for you to manipulate...however much you want to.

Then you start feeling bad, because you think that you are losing that thing...angry, because you feel that life has cheated you out of something that you wanted to have...and helpless, because you can't have it without inflicting pain and hurt and sorrow on someone.

So you finally decide that you must forget that you ever wanted or desired it...or even that the particular thing even existed. Trust me, very soon you will be able to get over it. and when you do, you will start feeling normal again.

Everyone has these aformentioned 'things' in their lives.

To a 5 year old,it may be a toy.

To a 15 year old, it may be a crush.

To a 25 year old, it may be a job.

The 'thing' varies from person to person...but it is always there...omnipresent...gnawing at you.

And when you finally think that you are over it, some random person is sure to mention it.

"Hey son, you liked the teddy on display, right?"

"Carol, did you have a thing for Mr. Hot?"

"What happened to that job?"...

And then... you go to the bathroom and cry.

But it is just another valley...if you go ahead you may find the peaks...

Or maybe just a better, more beautiful valley....

She Is Lucky

I used to call her 'my luck'. And lucky she was. Very.

Whenever I broke rules or skipped classes, she was my default accomplice. It was our internal joke that I would not get caught if she was with me. We were a team. We are still a team.

But I realise now that she is not lucky. Her luck just rubs off on everybody around her. So, as she passes on her luck to others, there is usually nothing left for her. Everybody gets lucky in her presence. It is in the air around her.

I just know this that someday she will find someone who works the same way for her. Someone in whose presence she would get lucky.

My luck.

Snaps By Dad.... Sometimes He Can Be A Genius...

sunset at Satranga

sunset at Satranga

veiw into a flower in our garden

sunset at Jhora

sunrise at Cafe Point ( my favourite)

a small, 2cm in diameter, flower...

surprises come in small packages!!

These are the pics that dad entered in a photography competition at the neighbourhood club.

Needless to say some of them got prizes.

Sometimes he sure makes m proud.... Very proud.

LETTING GO...

I have read it somewhere, I’m sure you must have read it too.

“If you want to know if something is yours, let it go.

If it comes back to you, then it was yours.

If it doesn’t then it was never yours.”

Words.

Hell, if letting go of a part of you were that easy, we wouldn’t be humans, would we?

But sometimes, letting go is all you can do. The only problem is that, the free advice above in the double quotation marks doesn’t come with a time period warrantee.

You never know how long ‘it’ will take to come back.

A day? A month? An year? A decade? Your entire lifetime?

All you can do is wait, and not lose hope even as the uncertainty settles over because you never know what letting go will result in.

After Years Of Ignorance......Spectacles! DAMN!

When I last entered the cabin of the eye specialist in our hospital, I was barely 9 years old. She gave me vitamins and called me "baby".

When I walked back into the cabin, and after she was done with the standard procedure, she gave me the most magnificient frown i had ever seen.

"When was the last time you got your eyes checked?"

"When I was in 4th standard, i think."

"And now you are in...?"

"12th standard."

And again that gorgeous frown.....

And then came the best part. She called DAD irresponsible. I just about managed to stiffle a guffaw.

But the point is that I have got eye power. Very high eye power for beginners.  -2 in the right eye and -1.5 in the left. My friends were either shocked or they gave me the "finally!" look.

So now I am going to look like an owl.

On a brighter note, according to my friends, I already look like an owl.

...and Shakespeare was an honourable man.

Sir William Shakespeare.

That guy had something against me. Since the time I have been studying literature (maybe since 3rd standard), it has always been, "Enter Shakespeare, exit marks in literature". Scientifically speaking, Shakespeare and my english marks have always strictly obeyed an inverse proportionality. The more amount of Shakespeare in my literature textbook, the less marks I would get in the exam.

So today when my classmates found an out of context reference to Shakespeare in a lesson about an elementary school in a slum, and the teacher asked us to explain what the author had in mind, I was the one who blurted out,"The kids didn't really like Shakespeare."

Now, you would expect the class to laugh. but when asked how many of us didn't like Shakespeare, around half the children put up their hands.

It's lovely to see people substantiate your stance.

I should go into politics.

To go or not to go, that's the question...

Acceptance and change

The bible has this verse:
"God give me the strength to accept the things that I can't change."

God will take care of that all right. But what about the things that we CAN change but shouldn't....for the greater good....or maybe just for the joys of someone very dear to us?

Today in school I sat pondering over the question. And it occured to me that if you have people who really, really care about you, you won't ever need to change anything in your life. Those things that will change are destiny. Even when we feel that we have influenced an event, we have actually just played our part in the giant picture of 'destiny dearest'.

A very dear friend of mine once told me,"whatever happens happens for a reason."
Until today I never realised how right the statement is.
Whatever happens, happens for a reason.
 If it is good, be happy.
If it is bad then remind yourself that it had a 'very good reason' for happening.
And if it doesn't happen at all, then,
The bible has this verse:
"God give me the strength to accept the things that I can't change."

If you are a believer that is....

Here is a peak......... The valleys have been left behind.

Uh huh... Life's like that.

Sandwiches look so ridiculously simple. That is till you decide to make some for braekfast. Then you find that it is as complicated as life. You end up with the thinnest slices of bread, the bread sticks to the sandwich maker, then you find that you have too much filling which invariably keep oozing out, then you try to make some coffee and forget about the sandwiches and let them burn. Then ...you start all over again.

It's a vicious circle, that takes a lot of time to perfect. And when you think you can finally make sandwiches...you let them burn again. Perfection is just another state of mind.

And a small piece of advice to novice cooks like me: Never talk on the phone while making sandwiches, especially if it is only your second try.

Rain and Writing

always having wanted to write, my father's blog has for long been my passtime reading material when i needed something to ponder over. it was almost inevitable that i create a blog of my own. just a place to scribble out all the weird, outlandish thoughts that i end up having, at almost a daily basis.

today, while riding in the rain, parallel to my teacher (for the past year and half), i had this insane urge to create a blog. and within  2 hours its done and here i am at the laptop,typing away.

i dont know, maybe i will never know, what made me do it but it could have been anything. the weather, the expression on my teacher's face as he got bone-drenched in the rain(the age difference forgotten), the rain on my face and running down my back in ice-cold droplets or maybe just the fascinating idea of writing which has been a refuge for a long time.