My Angel Niece

the heart-throb of my family...

   

WISHFUL THINKING

I turned 17.....

Something I have been waiting for...for a very long time....

but now that it's happened....

I want to go back....
go back to elementary school....
go back to being scared of slides.....

go back to being a stamped slow learner of the class...

go back to playing hide-and-seek in recess....

go back to being the simple, quiet, sober little girl....

go back to not having to watch my diet....
go back to the permanently-bruised-knees days...
go back to playing for hours on the end in the evenings....
go back to not having tuitions....
go back to the all-friends-no-enemies status...

go back to the little, scared, naive, believe-it-all....

go back to being obedient....

go back to being innocent....

go back to the little wide-eyed, awestruck-every-other-minute girl of four.....

go back to those beautiful never-ending carefree days.........

go back to......... so much that has been left behind...........

wishful thinking......

TRUST...DUH !

"When I consider life 'tis all a cheat,

Yet fooled with hope men favour the deceit.

Trust on, and think tomorrow will repay,

Tomorrow is falser than former day."

John Dryden wrote these, and I, like an obedient fan wrote it in big block letters and stuck it up on my study table.

Never gave it a second thought.

But of late "TRUST KILLS" has become my constant penchant.

It seems like the most basic rule for survival.

I have broken that rule once and I know that repercussions are here to stay.

Something that should be taught to the elementary school kids along with the rest of the list.

"Don't speak unless you are spoken to.
Brush your teeth twice a day.
Don't lie.
Smooth seas dont make a good sailor.
blah blah blah.
Trust kills."

Seems like the teachers missed a few crucial lessons for survival.

A SONG AFTER MY OWN HEART

You are far,
When I could have been your star,
You listened to people,
Who scared you to death, and from my heart,
Strange that you were strong enough,
To even make a start,
But you'll never find
Peace of mind,
Till you listen to your heart,

People,
You can never change the way they feel,
Better let them do just what they will,
For they will,
If you let them,
Steal your heart from you,
People,
Will always make a lover feel a fool,
But you knew I loved you,
We could have shown them all,
We should have seen love through,

Fooled me with the tears in your eyes,
Covered me with kisses and lies,
So goodbye,
But please don't take my heart,

You are far,
I'm never gonna be your star,
I'll pick up the pieces
And mend my heart,
Maybe I'll be strong enough,
I don't know where to start,
But I'll never find
Peace of mind,
While I listen to my heart,

People,
You can never change the way they feel,
Better let them do just what they will,
For they will,
If you let them,
Steal your heart,

And people,
Will always make a lover feel a fool,
But you knew I loved you,
We could have shown them all,

But remember this,
Every other kiss,
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man,
One you really can surrender with,
I will wait for you,
Like I always do,
There's something there,
That can't compare with any other,

You are far,
When I could have been your star,
You listened to people,
Who scared you to death, and from my heart,
Strange that I was wrong enough,
To think you'd love me too.
I guess you were kissing a fool,
You must have been kissing a fool.

SMILE PLEASE

Browsing through a friend's mobile message inbox, i read the following text:

"The worst moments in life are not when we know we are losing something and tears come out...

It is when we know we are losing something and we are forced to smile."

.... and I smiled...

The Little Things

Sometimes it becomes necessary that we hide the pain inside...keep the hurt out of our eyes...and stop the disappointment from showing in our voice. Especially if the pain/hurt/disappointment is sure to destroy something preious and irreplacable, even more if that 'something' belongs to someone else. It is not for you to take...not for you to manipulate...however much you want to.

Then you start feeling bad, because you think that you are losing that thing...angry, because you feel that life has cheated you out of something that you wanted to have...and helpless, because you can't have it without inflicting pain and hurt and sorrow on someone.

So you finally decide that you must forget that you ever wanted or desired it...or even that the particular thing even existed. Trust me, very soon you will be able to get over it. and when you do, you will start feeling normal again.

Everyone has these aformentioned 'things' in their lives.

To a 5 year old,it may be a toy.

To a 15 year old, it may be a crush.

To a 25 year old, it may be a job.

The 'thing' varies from person to person...but it is always there...omnipresent...gnawing at you.

And when you finally think that you are over it, some random person is sure to mention it.

"Hey son, you liked the teddy on display, right?"

"Carol, did you have a thing for Mr. Hot?"

"What happened to that job?"...

And then... you go to the bathroom and cry.

But it is just another valley...if you go ahead you may find the peaks...

Or maybe just a better, more beautiful valley....